Wednesday, April 27, 2011

heart exploding full of hope again

sometimes you wonder how you fell off the path, how all the healing has gone away again and you sit broken again feeling exhausted as before and bitter from the experience. how why why what the fuck??? and then slowly painfully pulling it back together, piece by piece, sign by sign gift from God by gift from God. new path same one really just had a detour. and learning again, as always learning. i am not sitting still not sitting to hear my heart speak, to listen to my truthteller, to hear what is around me, running, goign going going just putting one foot in front of another no time to listen to hear to smile to enjoy to be peace to sit with it all time to be me time to enjoy relax. i forget i forget often. i forget to take care of myself.

and then i did something brave. i signed up for an art class to heal to help heal my broken pieces, to let them go and move on. i am just beginning but it is a big cup of hope. listening to the class video about my truthteller about being kind to myself, imagining me as being 3 or 4 and how sweet can I be to that little girl inside. listening to my heart, listening quietly so i can hear my truthteller.

then checking out this blog i love for the pure joy energy dynamic radiating something she is and this song, man, it was speaking straight to me straight to me. if i could write a song to my husband, it might be this. pure love pure joy pure letting it all go. http://icecreamisbetterwithafork.tumblr.com/post/4997760134/and-since-i-am-obviously-feeling-a-little-crazy

it is 11 pm at night and i am going down to my mat, it is calling my name and it has been a long time.